Worst To Best: The Halloween Films(2)
WORST TO BEST-
THE HALLOWEEN FILMS
John Carpenters original Halloween did many things. It helped create the Slasher Film and all its tropes (although earlier films like Black Christmas certainly paved the way). It Also solidified Carpenter as a new master of suspense and it introduced the world to Michael Meyers, Laurie Strode and Sam Loomis. The original film had such an impact even the word Halloween lost much of its innocent fun.
Like most films in a long running franchise the Halloween movies are inconsistent (at best). Ranging from the truly suspenseful and iconic (Halloween, H20) to the laughably misguided (Halloween 2 remake, Halloween Resurrection) your odds of catching a really good Halloween film are about 50/50. So I put together this handy dandy guide as a way for you to catch the scary ones and skip the crap! Oh you're welcome!
(Before Justin Timberlake Michael Meyers had the song Cry Me A River...OF BLOOD! It wasnt a hit.)
(The Worst)
Halloween 2 (2009 remake)
Redeeming Qualities: No
Better Than: Nothing
A remake of a sequel. What could go wrong? Pretty much everything. Rob Zombie pissed a lot of fans off by boldly and unapologetically remaking 1978’s classic Halloween and turning it on its ear. In a sense he reenergized a story that had become American folklore by urbanizing and explaining the events of that October night. The Halloween remake had some very scary moments executed competently that could satisfy even some Halloween purest.
This sequel of the remake fails on all levels. It fails as a Halloween movie and it fails as a suspenseful film on its own merits. Michael Meyers now spends most of his time wandering through fields looking like a homeless Leather face seeing visons of his dead mother on a white horse instructing him to kill. Um..that’s Jason Voorhee’s shtick. Killing for mommy. Epic fail.
(the worst)
Halloween Resurrection (2002)
Redeeming Qualities: Jamie Lee Curtis.
Better Than: A root canal.
Jamie Lee Curtis is killed 10 mins in and kisses Michael Meyers (her brother) before falling to her death. This is followed by rapper Busta Rhymes karate kicking Michael Meyers through a window while the public watches via live web chat. I refuse to write anything else.
(Ok Tyra use your huge forehead to reflect light into Michael's eyes while karate kick him)
(the worst)
Halloween 5 (1989)
Redeeming Qualities: There are no Busta Rhymes karate kicks!
Better Than: Tyra Banks forehead.
This is when it really became nothing more than a cash grab. Halloween 5 manages to undo almost everything Halloween 4 did right despite working with much of the same cast. Who made the horrible decisions to Undo much of what worked in the previous film? Final Girl Rachel was awesome right? Next to Jamie Lee she is arguably the best Michael Meyers final girl. So some genius was like let’s kill her halfway through the film and replace her with her best friend Tina arguably the worst Halloween Final Girl. What Brainiac decided to make Donald Pleasance character Loomis more disturbing than the boogie man? Or to add 2 goofy cops complete with zany abbot and Costello sound effects? Wrong on almost all levels. The mask looked kinda cool though.
(the worst) HALLOWEEN 6 : THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MEYERS
Redeeming Qualities: Some scary sequences.
Better Than: Friday The 13th part 5.
Ugg what a mess. What’s sad is there is actually a decent movie lurking in this chaos. The Curse of Michael Meyers makes an attempt to continue the storyline started in Halloween 5 in explaining why Meyers keeps trying to kill all his family members. It also attempts to harken back to the Original 78 film by including the character of Tommy (the kid Jamie Lee Curtis babysat in Halloween) and Dr Loomis coming out of retirement one last time to do battle.
With Director Joe Chappelle seemingly going a different direction than writer Danielle Farrands had intended Halloween The Curse of Michael Meyers lacks cohesion. This film has an everything but the kitchen sink (Cult members, cloning embryos, child abuse) thrown in which is not helped by a incoherent ending partially dictated by the real life death of star Donald Pleasance. Halloween 6 made an increasingly convoluted storyline nearly incoherent. There is basically no reason for this sequel to exist. Oh except for the fact it stars Paul Rudd.
(The Weird)
HALLOWEEN 3-
SEASON OF THE WITCH
(To be fair no one came home because of all the weed at the party)
Redeeming Qualities: Interesting original idea
Better Than: A lot of the Michael included sequels that followed.
Well they tried. After the first 2 Halloweens were copied and duplicated within an inch of their knives (Friday the 13th and its many early 80 clones) Carpenter decided to attempt to regain control of what the title Halloween means by releasing a movie titled Halloween which had absolutely nothing to do with its predecessors. It wasn’t even a slasher film. In fact it concerned human like androids and magic Halloween masks containing microchips that when donned would make snakes and spiders come out of the wearer’s mouths eye-sockets.
Yeah I know an awesome idea right? Executed with a little less success. On the one hand it was nice to have a reprieve from the stalk and slash flicks that filled the screens since the original Halloween came out in 1978. On the other hand if you’re going to call a movie Halloween and NOT include Michael Meyers you have a responsibility to make it better than this uneven attempt.
HALLOWEEN (2007)
Redeeming Qualities: Well he certainly made it his own.
Better Than: His second attempt Halloween 2.
Rob Zombies reimagining of the Carpenter classic works and does not work for the exact same reasons. It is too different of a movie from the original. Across the board where the '78 Halloween was subtle and ambiguous Zombies 21st century remake is loud and deliberate. Where Carpenters Meyers was quiet and almost mime like in his stalking’s and attacks Zombies Meyers is a juggernaut lending himself much more to a suburban Jason Voorhees than the original “shape”. By changing the tone and style of the film to such a extreme degree Zombie has succeeded on giving fans a truly original take on beloved characters. By changing the Meyers family from a (seemingly) suburban Midwest every family to a dysfunctional white trash trailer park clan Zombie has put his stamp on a film that didn’t really need it.
Scout Taylor Compton and company can’t hold a candle to the original Laurie Strode, or Donald Pleasance. By having characters with the same names as the classics then acting and behaving in such a contrary manner as the originals makes Halloween 2007 seem one off and surreal. Not like a Halloween movie but more like a dream of a Halloween movie after a night of drinking and eating spicey food.
(Although I'm not looking for a sidekick if I was it would be you.)
(The Best)
Halloween 4-
The Return Of Michael Meyers
The first attempt to bring back Michael Meyers (and erase the critical/commercial failure of the non Meyers entry Halloween 3) was a valiant attempt at recreating what made the original so iconic. The ingredients included the return of Donald Pleasance, a likeable actress (Ellie Cornell) to play a baby sitter protecting her charge (Danielle Harris) on Halloween night from a relentless Michael Meyers.
(In hindsight maybe bobbing for apples actually was a better idea than all this murder and gore).
The movie succeeded in reintroducing what made the franchise great although already the films were starting to feel too formulaic. Stalk, sex, fake jump-scare, kill. Repeat.
One thing Halloween 4 did right is introduce the absent (thought dead) Laurie Strodes daughter 9 year old Jamie (get it?) who’s character would become very important in the next 2 sequels before being abandoned completely in the 7th film.
(The Best)
HALLOWEEN H2O (1998)
After 20 years the character of Laurie Strode (played by Jamie Lee Curtis) returns to the Halloween franchise to once and for all confront her brother and H20
This Jehovah's witness ain't no joke
Redeeming Qualities: Scary. Some great performances. Satisfying.
Better Than: Every other wrap up the series. (yeah right)
88% of the reason Halloween: H2O works is Jamie Lee Curtis. Not just her return to her most popular character but the sheer star power and charisma Curtis displays forces the entire production from actors to directors to step their game up or be blown off the screen.
(My only advise is don't take a shower)
H2O makes the decision to ignore the events of the previous 4 films and pick up directly where part 2 left off. This makes Halloween 1,2 and H20 A nice little trilogy seemingly giving the character of Laurie Strode a satisfying story arc and conclusion. Until that abortion of a sequel Halloween Resurrection came along and crapped all over it.
(The Best)
HALLOWEEN 2 (1981)
Redeeming Qualities: Same cast as the original. Same writers too! Better Than: Everything that came after.
More of the Night He Came Home. Halloween 2 picks up literally at the moment it’s predecessor ended with the shooting and escape of Michael Meyers. This works to make the first 2 films seem like one long movie despite the fact a few years passed between flicks which is most evident in Jamie Lee Curtis's hair and performance.
(Hair products. I need hair products please!)
Although Carpenter did not direct Halloween 2 he did write it (along with Halloween co-writer Deborah Hill) which gives both films further cohesive qualities. Halloween 2 fails to match the first films moody atmosphere thanks to Carpenter and director Rick Rosenthal playing to the 1981 slasher market by adding a bunch of blood and guts.
Halloween 2 also decided to explain the reason why Michel Meyers chose Jamie Lee Curtis to attack (they are siblings) which has divided fans. Some say by explaining Meyers intentions it takes away from the scary notion of random stalking or unexplained evil. Others appreciate the mythology and storylines set up with this addition to the storyline. By making Jamie Lee Curtis Meyers sister/arch nemesis we will eventually be introduced to her daughter, son and extended family.
(You have the right to remain silent..oh yeah forgot..)
(The Best)
HALLOWEEN (1978)
Redeeming Qualities: Yes
Better Than: Most any slasher film ever. Hello00?
How could any other entry be number one? Not only is the original Halloween the best Halloween movie (by far) it is one of the scariest, moodiest most influential slashers ever produced. John Carpenter’s direction is an exercise in framing, suspense building and restraint.
Combined with Dean Cundys’ revolutionary cinematography, Deborah Hill’s dialogue and Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasance’s performance's Halloween is firing on all cylinders and ends up being much better than an independent B movie needed to be.
(If she would have simply used her celly this would have never happened)
Michael Meyers is creepy, silent almost mime like. Jamie Lee Curtis PJ Soles and Nancy Loomis are likeable believable victims. Donald Pleasance chews just enough scenery to keep the precedings interesting. The films almost blood free kills worked because the suspense and mood were intense and we cared about what happened to the characters. None of this seminal slashers sequels managed to achieve these feats. Bow down.
